Just a Dream
by The Other Everdeen Girl
Summary: Songfic based on Carrie Underwood's Just a Dream. A young widow must deal with the loss of her husband and what could have been. AU.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N hey, Brighton here. This is a songfic based on Carrie Underwood's "Just a Dream". Don't ask me how I thought of this, because I have absolutely no friking idea. Btw, One f-bomb. Thought I should warn you…. Enjoy.**

**Once Again, I am not Suzanne Collins and all recognizable characters are hers. Sorry for not being that awesome ;)**

**It was two weeks after the day she turned eighteen**

**All dressed in white**

**Going to the church that night**

She remembered that day perfectly. After 2 weeks of a blissful engagement, their wedding day had finally come. Everyone who were like family to Katniss and Peeta had showed up to watch them get married. Johanna, Annie, Haymitch, Effie and even her mother were present.

**She had his box of letters in the passenger seat**

Before he had proposed, Peeta had been in the Capitol receiving treatment for his hijacking. He was gone for two weeks and every day, he had sent Katniss a letter telling her how much he missed her and how much he loved her. She always had at least one of those letters with her at all times.

**Sixpence in a shoe, something borrowed, something blue**

Her wedding dress was amazing. She had managed to find one of Cinna's dresses he had made her for before the Quell and she was ecstatic. Following old world wedding traditions, she had borrowed a pair of blue high heels from Johanna, of all people, who insisted that she follow that tradition as she shoved the shoes in Katniss's hands.

**And when the church doors opened up wide**

**She put her veil down**

**Trying to hide the tears**

**Oh she just couldn't believe it**

She really hadn't believed that day had come. Even after a slow rebuilding of their relationship, along with many days of hate and fear that followed nightmares and flashbacks, it was a surprise to Katniss that they had come this far this fast. When she saw Peeta looking incredibly happy with a glow in his eyes as Haymitch walked her down the aisle, she couldn't contain herself. Silent joyful tears slid down her face as she had slowly approached.

**She heard trumpets from the military band**

**And the flowers fell out of her hand**

When they had said their 'I do's' and the priest had pronounced them husband and wife, Katniss had entered a paradise of bliss. As he had kissed her, Katniss knew there couldn't be a moment more perfect than this. She had just married the love of her life, and everyone who had loved them and been there for them in the past was there to support them. She had lost her bouquet somewhere while being congratulated over and over again at the reception. Katniss hadn't cared, she was happier than she had ever been in her life.

**Baby why'd you leave me**

**Why'd you have to go?**

**I was counting on forever, now I'll never know**

After a year of marriage, bliss and pure joy, Peeta started having more and more flashbacks. The doctors in the capitol told them while they were treating him that Peeta would have to deal with flashbacks the rest of his life, but not as severe. But not like this. These new flashbacks were twice a day, on a good day. They had no choice. Peeta needed to go back to the Capitol and talk to those doctors.

**I can't even breathe**

**It's like I'm looking from a distance**

**Standing in the background**

She remembered having trouble breathing when she heard the news. The doctors did a CAT scan and found that all the venom had not exited his body, like it was supposed to, but had collected in his brain and created a massive tumor. He only had a few weeks to live. She had screamed and screamed horrible things at the doctors, but none of it made any difference. Peeta was going to die.

**Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now**

**This can't be happening to me**

**This is just a dream**

The doctors had given him some medication to help with the flashbacks. It wouldn't cure him, but only subdue them so Katniss could bring him home to say goodbye. The whole train ride home had felt horrible with the constant presence of death looming over them, but Katniss knew that she had to make the best of the last weeks they had together. Once they got back home, Katniss and Peeta had never left each other's sides. They picnicked in the Meadow, attempted to bake together, laughed together, made love every night and made sure to say I love you every day. The whole ordeal was sad, yet comforting to think that she had those weeks to remember him by. Those last weeks had felt like a dream.

**The preacher man said let us bow our heads and pray**

**Lord please lift his soul, and heal this hurt**

I'm not here. I'm not here. Katniss had thought this over and over again, but it was still true. She was still here at Peeta's funeral service. Everyone had shown up: his doctors, her mother, Annie and her son, Johanna, a sober and somber Haymitch, Delly and so many others who had met him and cared for him. In a cruel twist of fate, she also noticed the priest from their wedding was the one who led the service. It was beautiful today, with a sunset in the background of the meadow, where Peeta would be buried and also the resting place of his family. He would have loved the color, Katniss noted about the sunset.

**Then the congregation all stood up and sang the saddest song that she ever heard**

They sang some random church hymn that Katniss never remembered hearing before. Not that she would want to hear this song again. It would forever be marred by being sung here, with her husband's casket in front of her and the congregation with tears in all of their eyes. Hers hadn't been dry for days, even when he was still….. Alive.

**Then they handed her a folded up flag**

**And she held on to all she had left of him**

**Oh, and what could have been**

It was customary that anyone taking part in the war in any way would receive a Republic of Panem flag and a medal of honor for their services when they passed. Two soldiers laid the flag over his casket, saluted and then started folding the flag up neatly. When they handed it to Katniss with the medal draped over, it seemed every ounce of water in her body had come together to spill over as her silent sobs she could no longer contain. She gripped that flag as tightly as she possibly could, as if she would feel his strong arms wrap around her one last time. Why did you leave me? She silently asked. We should have grown old together. We could have had everything, even children. It's too soon…

**And then the guns rang one last shot**

**And it felt like a bullet in her heart**

As a final salute to Peeta, the soldiers fired blanks into the air. With an ache in her heart, Katniss felt as if one of them had shot her in the heart. She wished they did. It would be less painful than she what she already felt and she would be with her husband forever. But he would want her to move on. With a heavy heart and a wave of nausea in her stomach, which had been happening a lot lately, she watched as they buried the one she had loved the most. Now she really wished she had been shot.

**Baby why'd you leave me**

**Why'd you have to go?**

**I was counting on forever, now I'll never know**

The service was over. Everyone was inside Katniss's house, eating sandwiches and comforting each other. It was odd, some were laughing at moments they had with Peeta and others smiling, but no one could shake the melancholy atmosphere. Katniss thought she was drowning in it. As she sat by Annie and her mother on the couch, she remembered something. It was two weeks after they were married. They had just finished dinner and were sitting on the couch with her head on his chest and her legs over his.

"_Katniss" he smiled down at her. "I was just thinking…. We're married now."_

_She had looked up at him bewildered "I knew that… I was there at our wedding and so were you."_

"_What I meant was, It never sunk in until now." His voice seemed to be in a far off place. "I have this whole life planned for us." Katniss rolled her eyes. "I'm serious, it's perfect." _

"_You promise?" She heard herself barley whisper. _

"_I promise." He whispered as he drew her in for a kiss. _

I **can't even breathe**

**It's like I'm looking from a distance**

**Standing in the background**

Despite everyone in the room hugging her, asking her questions, complementing the service, Katniss felt as if she were somewhere else. She felt as if she was slowly dying along with her husband. Gale was right when he said Katniss would choose whoever she couldn't survive without, because now it felt as true as a knife in her side. Oh how words of the past will haunt her.

**Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now**

**This can't be happening to me**

**This is just a dream**

For some insane reason, Katniss looked at the door every 5 seconds or so. She expected Peeta to walk through that door with a cake he had spent hours icing, give her a kiss, and start talking to everyone in the room. But that was stupid; he wasn't ever going to come back. Ever. She may smile as she talks to her mother about the catering, laugh as Johanna told her a story about one of her and Peeta's conversations at the wedding, but she was damaged beyond repair. This wasn't happening.

Everyone had left, except for Annie and her mother who were staying with Katniss to keep her company. After they had finished cleaning up, Annie realized Katniss was nowhere to be found. She handed Finn to Lorraine, and told her she would go find her. She ran outside to the Meadow, the one place where Katniss could possibly go now. When she got there, Katniss was sitting at the headstone, not crying, not talking, but just sitting.

Katniss's head suddenly snapped up. "I'm sorry, I didn't see you there. I saw some primroses and dandelions and I just thought-"Her voice was caught by a sob and Annie rushed to hug her. "I just thought… what would have happened in our future?"

**Oh now I'll never know. **

**Everybody's saying he's not coming home now. **

"Katniss…." Annie crooned. "You don't think I don't know what you're going through? Cause I do! Every thought going through your head right now went through mine the day of Finnick's funeral!" Annie was yelling at this point and gripping a startled Katniss's shoulders. "I was so sure he was so sure he would walk in smiling and laughing….. But he didn't and Peeta won't. I was pregnant with Finn too, so it felt 10 times worse because I had to live with how he would never meet his son."

**This can't be happing to me**

Katniss smiled sadly. "You're right. I should've talked to you. I'm sorry. It's just hard you know? We knew each other for nearly a decade, but I will always treasure our year of marriage. A year. I'm 22 and I'm a fucking widow!" The tears have come now, angry and hot. She took a deep breath and continued. "This is hard… Annie?"

"Yeah?"

"I realized something….. I'm late."

"It's his last gift to you. Cherish it." Annie kisses the top of her head and hugs her once more as the young widow cries into her shirt.

**This is just a dream. **

**A/N yeah, I know, it's really depressing. But I wanted to do a tragic loss story that wasn't Finnick and Annie, because, let's face it, been there done that. Please Review! I'm thinking about doing something besides one-shots but that has to wait until my exams are over :P**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N I'm baaack ;) by popular request. Originally this was supposed to be a One-shot, but thanks to swiftie4X and book geek29812, I decided to add this follow up… I hope this doesn't suck! **

**I am not Suzanne Collins, but if I was everyone would love me just a liiiittle more ;) ~Brighton**

She sat on the couch, thinking. Annie, her mother and Johanna had decided to stay with her after the funeral for the duration of her pregnancy. She had found out around 5 months ago, but with conflicted feelings. If he were still here, she would be ecstatic. Now, all she felt was hollowness.

"So, what are you going to name her?" Peeta sat down on the couch next to her. "Seriously, you're killing me here! I want to know!'"

Katniss quietly giggled. She loved his sense of humor. She'd missed it. "Lorraine Primrose Pearl Mellark. I think I'll call her Lori. You?" She looked at him and smiled.

"I like it. Lorraine's a pretty name, after your mother of course." He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and she gladly burrowed into his chest. "I like how you're honoring Prim, but what about pearl? Where'd you get that idea from?"

"From you, of course." She playfully smacked his chest and laughed. "I still have the pearl you gave me during the Quell. Whenever I miss you, I have the pearl in my hand and I always know you're with me. I love you, you know that, right?" She looks up at him.

"Of course, and I hope you know the same thing for me." She nodded. He smiled and drew his lips to hers softly.

"Katniss!" Katniss's head snapped up. Johanna had been calling her for a couple minutes now. "Have you not heard me? Dinner's ready, so get your pregnant ass to the table or I shall rip your throat out." She had this with a sarcastic smile on her face. No doubt she was thinking about the last time she said this, in another time, another setting, another pregnancy (fake or not).

Katniss rolled her eyes and wistfully smiled. "Sure let me just-". She looked next to her, almost expecting him to get up and follow her into the kitchen but with a harsh slap of reality the couch was empty, only filled with memories and fantasies of what never will be. She looked up at the impatient woman and accepted her help up, with her stomach getting bigger by the day, it was harder and harder to move as she used to.

She walked over to the kitchen, where her mother, Annie and Finn were waiting. They sat down and began eating, with an awkward silence looming over them. "I've decided what I want to name her." Katniss said suddenly. "I want to name her Lorraine Primrose Pearl Mellark. I know it's a mouthful, but I was thinking about calling her Lori, for short." She looked up hopefully, waiting for someone to say something, anything.

"I still think you should have named her Johanna." Johanna says nonchalantly. "I mean, even if it was a boy, Johanna is an, without a doubt, awesome name." We all stare at her, until little Finn starts giggling. Soon everyone joins in, even Katniss. Not with a hollow laugh that she gave to reassure people, but a real laugh that was filled with joy.

After everyone had calmed down, Katniss cleared her throat. "So, Mother, what do you think? About the name?"

Lorraine looked up. "I like it. I think you really got it right. But do me a favor."

"What?"

"Don't ever call me Lori. That goes for all of you" She said indicating Johanna, Annie and Finn with her fork. This brings on another bought of laughter.

The night continued with pregnancy questions asked to Lorraine and Annie, Johanna playing with Finn as he giggles at Katniss's baby bump when it moved and shifted under his hand. For the first time in her life, Katniss felt happy about having Lori. As she watched Finn and Annie, she realized she would be okay without Peeta. She would miss him on bad days, of course, but she would get through the rest of her life. Annie did. And she will. As she completed this thought, Katniss could have sworn she saw him standing in the doorway. She looked over in Peeta's direction, and just like that he was gone.

It was getting late, and Annie needed to put Finn down. Lorraine had gone to bed and stuck Johanna and her with the dishes. Once they finished, she pick Finn up and started going up the stairs when she noticed Katniss was missing. She handed Finn to Johanna and went to the one place where Katniss could be right now.

When she got to the meadow, she found Katniss sitting at Peeta's grave, but this time talking to him.

"- and I think the name sounds nice. Lori will be perfect for her and I can't wait to meet her." She sighs heavily. "I still miss you. For some reason, I think you're still going to walk through that door. You were the one who was so crazy about children. Of course, I do and always will love Lori but-"She stifles a sob "Her family will never be complete without you. I still won't be complete without you" At this point, when Katniss starts tearing up, Annie moves in to comfort her.

"It's okay. You'll get through this. I'm here, Johanna's here, your mother's here…we'll get through this." Annie croons as she hugs Katniss. "Just remember you're not alone and I know you will be a great mother."

Katniss sniffs and looks up "You think so? I just- I'm worried I won't be able to give her everything. She'll be growing up without a father… a father who would have loved her and been an amazing parent." The tears are coming fast now. "What if I really can't be that?"

Annie looks at her. "Again, you really don't know how similar our situations are. I'm still terrified that I'll have a breakdown in front of Finn and he might get hurt! He doesn't have a father either, but you gotta promise yourself this: you have to be the best damn mother you can possibly be. I promised that to Finnick, and you have to promise this to Peeta."

She slowly nods. "I promise."

**A/N Well? I was debating with myself for a while on this, so I would love if you guys would give me some feedback. Thanks again for suggesting I do this! R&R ;) **


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